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What I’d Like My White Friends to Know
by Imani L. Brown
translated into Chinese by Lisa Liu
From Imani, San Francisco:
I wrote this when Ahmaud Arbery was shot dead while jogging in Georgia, but before George Floyd, and all the protests started. I wrote it and kept it to myself, because I didn’t feel safe posting this truth. Now that the conversation had started, I thought I’d share. It’s called, “What I’d Like My White Friends to Know.”
What I’d Like My White Friends to Know
I woke up Black and Angry this morning, again
It’s becoming a pattern
I wake up, grab my phone, read a story in the news
M***f***s shot him while he was just jogging down the street
I rant online for 10 – 15 min about how my life matters, how our lives matter
It’s out of my system, enough so, that I can now get out of the bed
And make my damn morning tea with soy milk
What I’d like my white friends to know
Is that it is deeply degrading and humiliating to regularly have to beg for your life
I’m angry all the time
Just because we were born with brown skin
It means we must, politely, ask you to stop killing us
As we walk down the street
Play in our yards
Or even sleep in our own beds
Most of my friends are white, and I married a white woman
My wife knows, and so does my therapist
But do you know, that I don’t feel safe in this country
That after being followed around a store
Or mistreated by a medical professional who thinks that I’m just there to get drugs
That sometimes I just cry
I just cry
Because it’s a Thursday, and I woke up black in America
With you, I mostly joke around and play the race card when it suits me
But behind the sarcasm is a deep wound
I’d like my white friends to know
That sometimes I wonder if you do anything more
Then post a sad face emoji or share a story that enrages you online
If you’d do anything at all, in the real world, to undermine your own privilege
If this prose will make you mad and defensive, uncomfortable
So you’ll just shut down and move on, which is your privilege
I am mad all the time, which can be dangerous for black folks
And I just hold it in, as my burden to bear most days
I’d like my white friends to know, that this is how we survive
By swallowing pain and anger, so we can get through the day
Your sad emoji feels like “thoughts and prayers” after a mass shooting
When I’d rather see you counter protesting
The white supremacists on the steps of the state capitol
Or the ones inside in the seats of power
Fighting for policy change, and prison reform
Because you sat comfortably, as they implemented mass incarcerations
And you will sit comfortably as the guilty and the innocent
Who just could not pay for bail
Die in close quarters of COVID-19
I’d like my white friends to know
That I’d like you to do better
As my friend
My beloved community
I’m scared
And I’d like you to help me
My sisters and brothers
Because no one seems to hear our cries, or see our tears
Not really
I’m telling you, that they will listen to your voice
If you would only cry out with me
I wish you would stop sending thoughts and prayers
And help tear this shit to the ground.
想让我的白人朋友知道
原作：伊马尼 L 布朗
中译：柳婷婷
Ahmaud Arbery在佐治亚州慢跑时被枪杀。当时我写了这首诗，不过是在乔治·弗洛伊德（George Floyd）事件以及所有抗议活动开始之前。 我那时并没想发表这首诗，因为没有安全感。 既然现在对话已经开始，我想我愿意把它拿出来分享。 题目叫做“想让我的白人朋友知道”。
早上醒来
黝黑的脸颊
再一次写满愤怒
这样的事情一再发生
手机里又一则
类似的新闻：
在路上慢跑的他
被混蛋枪杀
我上网爆着粗口
叫喊我的命珍贵
我们的命珍贵
十五分钟的舞爪张牙
才能够消怒
让我爬起床来
用豆浆煮该死的早茶
我想让
我的白人朋友知道
靠乞求来生存
是多么可耻与可怕
我总忍不住愤怒
只因肤色不同
却要卑微地乞求
别再杀我们啦！
无论是走在街上
在院子里玩耍
甚至是睡在自己的床头
我的妻子是白人
还有我多数的朋友
我的妻子知道
我的治疗师明了
但是你可知否
这个国家
让我没有安全的感受
在商店附近被追踪
被医护人员
认定我是去那里吸毒
有时候我只是哭
只是哭哦
因为是星期四
在美国醒来
不幸发现自己
有张黑色的面孔
和你在一起时
我多半开玩笑
并适当地打个种族牌
讽刺的背后
则是一个深深的伤口
我想让
我的白人朋友知道
有时候我想明了
你可否再多做些
而不只是网上
点个悲伤的表情符号
或转发一件
激怒你的事情
这些都如此微不足道
如果你有能力
可否在现实中
把你的特权除掉？
如果这首诗让你
恼怒不爽、有口难辩
你大可关上心门，继续
行使你的特权
我总是愤怒
对于黑人乡亲
也许这样很危险
我一直忍着
承受这个重担
我想让
我的白人朋友知道
这样求生是多么艰难
吞咽着痛苦和愤怒，
才可以度过每一天
当我希望看到你反抗时
你悲伤的表情符号
感觉像是大屠杀后面
轻描淡写的一句
“祈祷与思念”
州议会大厦的台阶
站满白人至上主义
里面的席位
也掌控着话语权
他们在争取政策改革
和监狱改变
因为你舒服地坐着
所以他们实施了
大规模禁监
你依旧舒服地坐着
让那些有罪和无罪的
因无法支付保释金
而死于
COVID-19的病魇
我想让
我的白人朋友知道
作为我的朋友
和心爱的社区团体
我希望你做得更好
我充满恐惧
希望被你帮到
我的兄弟姐妹
因为似乎没有人听到
我们的带泪的哭叫
并不是这样啊
我来告诉你
如果你愿意跟我一起哭
你的声音会被他们听到
别再发送那些“思念和祈祷”
让我们一起
把这些垃圾撕碎扔掉
** ** ** ** **
After all the gravity of the last poem, here is sweet relief，by Lisa Liu
雨悟
作者：柳婷婷
下雨啦
干裂的土地
叹息着
汩汩吞咽
卷起的黄瓜
尽情地舒展腰身
泪流满面
干涸的小溪
欢快地
唱起了小曲
紫荆花感动得
浑身颤抖
瞬间落英满园
谁能挑选最佳的
播种时间
谁能呼风唤雨
将日月调遣
谁能保证
结果的完好无损
唯有感叹造物
细致入微的
痛惜爱怜
人啊人
理当一切顺其自然
20200729 Chapel Hill
香槟丛刊 